This relationship is headed…

posted by Arkham on March 2nd, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVfVqfIN8_c

  • Hey
  • Mom, Dad, this is Ryan.
  • Oh so this is the famous boy we’ve been hearing so much about.
  • Nice to finally meet you Mrs. L33T. And sir.
  • So, Ryan, what Warcraft server do you play on?
  • Is that on umm is that on the computer? Oh you know what, i think i forgot the desert in the car.
  • Who do you think you are bringing his kind into my house!?
  • But dad, he’s a nice guy, really.
  • No he’s a n00b Jessica, a n00b!
  • But ryan and I are perfect together.
  • This relationship is headed for an epic fail, young lady. You’re a L33T damn it, we don’t date n00bs, we pwn them!!
  • Well maybe I don’t want to be a L33T!
  • Your insolence, for the lose!
  • No, maybe I looove that he watches VHS tapes still. And maybe i love that his phone still has a cord.
  • You might as well date someone who plays Aliance.
  • I date whoever I want!
  • Over my level 80 rogue’s temporary dead body!
  • Mr. L33T, I may run around in circles when I play halo, and I might never get a monster kill, well, I can’t even find the space bar half the time. But I know when I find true love, and that is worth more than all the uber gear in the world.
  • Too long, did not listen!

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Another Insurance Joke

posted by Arkham on April 7th, 2009

buy_life_insurance

I find life insurance jokes incredibly funny, probably because they mostly talk about people and their approach and expectations towards death.

Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency.

During the discussion, she asked: “Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?

The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, “Probably a life sentence.”

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If you wake up

posted by Arkham on April 6th, 2009

death_insurance

A life insurance agent named Michael was the top seller with his company for the sixth year and was about to retire. His best friend Scott went out with him for their last drink on company time.

Scott said, “Mike old boy, I’ve asked you the same question for the last six years, and you’ve always refused to answer. Now that you’re retiring, why not tell me your secret of how you sell so many life policies.”
“You’re right, Scott, I do have a secret, and I can’t think of a better person to tell it to.”
Rather excited, Scott blurted, “Well, what is it?”

Michael slowly lit his pipe and puffed on it until it was drawing good. He then put his face close to Scott’s and started his tale.
“First, when I’m telling him all the benefits about the policy, and how he should understand that it is his obligation to his family to protect them..”
“Yes, Mike, we all do that,” interjected Scott, “there’s nothing new that you’re telling me!”
“Don’t be so anxious, Scott, let me tell you in my own way.”
“Sorry, Mike..”

Mike’s voice became lower so that Scott had to strain his ears to hear above the bar noise. Then he continued.
“Now, all during my sales pitch I interrupt to ask the client if he feels OK. When he says yes, I look at him kinda funny, but I continue on, stopping every few minutes to either look intently at him or ask him if he would like a glass of water or something.”
“That sounds like an interesting approach,” mutters Scott. “Does it usually end up in a sale?”
“To be honest with you, not very often,” answers Mike. “But the next step works almost every time.”

“For God’s sake, Mike, stop playing with me. What is the next step?”
“Well, next I say ‘Don’t let me frighten you into making a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. IF you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.'”

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Social Drinking

posted by Arkham on October 4th, 2007

Oh, I am a social drinker.
Everytime someone says “I’ll have a drink”, I say “So-shall I!”.

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The importance of punctuation

posted by Arkham on September 20th, 2007

No punctuation:

A woman without her man is nothing

First version:

A woman, without her man, is nothing.

Second version:

A woman: without her, man is nothing.

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