Funny Linux Errors

posted by Arkham on September 19th, 2007

Just found these on Digg, and I will dig for more.

% cat “food in cans”
cat: can’t open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% “How would you rate Bush’s incompetence?
Unmatched “.

% Unmatched “.
Unmatched “.

% [Where is Elvis Presley?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the politics spent, what would I have?
Too many (‘s.

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

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Psychological Help Line

posted by Arkham on July 25th, 2007

Hello, welcome to the psychological help line.
If you’re obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want; please do not hang up until we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a feeble voice will tell you which number to press.
Thank you.